hanniballecters:

“Friendship, knitting, ….murder” 

excerptsfromchrispinesmoleskine:

Went to Build-A-Bear Workshop today. My therapist said it’d be good for me, to get me out of the rut I’m in, called it an “exercise in creation.” I held the limp carcass of the bear in my hands for what felt like hours. What was I doing? Who was this bear? Why was it here? Not here, not yet, not quite. Did it want to be? What right did I have to thrust this bear into the cacophony of being without first giving it a purpose? I couldn’t move. Then this kid asked what I was talking about, and I realized I’d been soliloquizing in a sea of children.

“I can’t even think of a name,” I said, staring down at the bear I couldn’t bring myself to make, its black, plastic eyes like currants in a semolina loaf that no one ordered but had shown up anyway.

“How old are you?” the kid asked. I looked at his bear. It was bursting at the seams.

“I think I’m having an existential crisis.”

“I’m ten.”

“Okay.”

“You should name it Trojan.” I was stunned. This kid knew Homer? Then he said, “After the condom your dad should have worn.” He took the bear out of my hands and threw it at me, like that had been its purpose all along.

Whoever said kids are wise is a liar. Kids are dumb as shit.

thesuperjew:

heronqueenblues:

why are people surprised when they see depictions of hitler that show him doing nice things with his friends or people he cares about

did they think he just sat in darkened rooms rubbing his hands together muttering “jews” disdainfully under his breath all day

yes

thegrandhighbitch:

when hannibal gets caught and everyone realizes they’ve been eating humans i just want a montage of everyone’s face and fancy music playing in th

dersely:

momlonde:

do you ever see a photograph of someone really attractive from like the 1800s and you suddenly get pissed because they’ve been dead for like 200 years and you probably don’t have a chance with them

“probably”

Husband animates joke about tortilla chips told by his drunk wife

camplazlo:

one time in eight grade i stole this kid’s gameboy and a couple months later we were chillin at my house and he was looking at my stuff and found the gameboy and he was like “wow i used to have one of these” and i asked he wanted to buy it and he was like sure so i sold it to him for 30 dollars

3rdfloorgirl:

Interviewer: “Who is the MOST sensible?”

#their dancing isnt even this well coordinated